


Will You Be There?

by MahaliaPride



Category: No Fandom
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Anal Fingering, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Blow Jobs, But There Is More Angst, Car Accidents, Childhood Trauma, Cutting, Depression, Domestic Violence, Dream Sex, Feels, Fluff, Heavy Angst, High School, I Mean There Is Some Fluff, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Implied/Referenced Underage Sex, Its Not A Happy Story, M/M, Memory Loss, Nipple Licking, Orgasm Delay/Denial, Panic Attacks, Past Underage Sex, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Self-Harm, Sex, Shower Sex, Smut, Social Anxiety, Spooning, This Fanfiction Is Not For Easily Triggered People, Trauma, Wet Dream
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-07
Updated: 2017-06-15
Packaged: 2018-09-15 12:05:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 25
Words: 11,361
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9234299
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MahaliaPride/pseuds/MahaliaPride
Summary: He doesn't want to do this. No no no! He can't fall in love again! In the end it's his feelings that are his destruction.





	1. The panic rising in your chest

**Author's Note:**

> Please note that this is a middle paced fanfiction between two males and has some mature scenes and dark themes.

One second passes. Smiles and laughter. Time seems to slow down and everything drains colour. Worry fills me.   
There it is.   
The tight clamping of my lungs.   
The lump formed in my throats.   
The constricted feeling of my heart slowing.   
My heartbeat pulsing in my ears.   
The panic bubbling up to my skin as I try to think of what I should do with my remaining seconds.   
_Then. ___  
The feeling of sinking. As everything fades to black


	2. Another School, another day...Right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so in this chapter we are getting insight to his past. Hopefully the precious baby will be okay at school (evil smirk)

Ever since I had seen the death of my best friend, who had also been my boyfriend, I can't remember a moment without the crushing anxiety, crippling depression or shortness of breath from panic attacks. As time went on I got bullied so I would switch school frequently. I learnt how to deal with them and I could stay a few more weeks at another school until the bullying started again. I've dealt with them until now. I had to move after a major panic attack. 5 months. A record. It was strange because my panic attack seemed to happen on the last day of year 11. It didn't seem right to show my face there again. So here I was, starting year 12 at another school. 

I remember how I had been crushing on him as soon as I walked into the class. He was nice and talked to me. He became my best friend and I was called gay. I was. It only made it harder when it turned out that my feelings were returned and we had gone to drive home from our date. Then I remember the drunk truckie that ended his life. 

It was strange. Sinking into a large hole of depression and suicidal thoughts, becoming withdrawn, because someone died. It happened and I knew. I knew it was stupid not to move on but I just couldn't. I always thought I was selfish but other people felt that way too. 

My mother never forced me to go to a therapist but she would of if she knew I cut. He wouldn't want this I would tell myself. He'd want you to be happy. He would get you out of this. But he wasn't here. I decided I'd just cut off all my emotions so I would never be attached like that again. But that's when I saw _him._

That morning I pulled on jeans, a light blue t-shirt and a gray hoodie. Mom drove me to school within 10 minutes. As I walked into my new home room I saw a striking figure in the far corner of the room. He had tousled blonde hair and the deepest blue eyes. Just like him. I averted my eyes and sat in a free seat in the front. There were only a few kids in class, and the rest were yet to arrive as the bell hadn't gone. I felt his eyes on me. I knew he was looking at me. He was probably a bully. 

The teacher entered the class full of loud kids. 'Simmer down kids. Now is like to introduce a new student.' Her eyes scanned the kids until they rested on mine. She gave me a probing nod and a hand gesture to make me stand up the front of the classroom. I stood up next to the teachers podium. My grey eyes fixed on the ground I mumbled something only I could hear 'I'm sorry?' The teacher said, her smile as long as her face, lips pursed. 

This time I said a little louder 'I'm Jaime and I was actually born in Canada but my mom and I moved to New York 3 years ago.' after my boyfriends death I almost added. I scratched the back of my neck and ran my hand through my hair, eyes still on the ground. Without the teachers green signal I went and sat back down. 

The class dragged on and on. It was something about Hamlet. I had read that book in grade five by choice so I understood everything without having to tune in. Finally after an hours worth of suffering the shrill bell rang. Everyone burst out the door. Just as I began packing up a hand was put on my shoulder. I jumped at the contact making my black rimmed glasses slip down my face. 

Once I realised it was the blonde boy I straightened up and fixed my glasses. 'Boys after your chat just close the door behind you.' The teacher called as she strode off into the hallway. 'Can I help you?' I asked once I had slid out of his contact. I got aggressive vibes. 'Why did you move?' He blantly spat out. It felt like a punch to the gut but my face remained passive. 'None of your business.' I replied curtly. 

'I can see it.' He said simply.  
'What do you mean?'  
'Trouble. Or trauma. I see suffering in your eyes. They're a dull gray. Lifeless even. Like you're tired of this life. ' he stated. I looked down and started putting up my barriers 'Stay away from me it doesn't matter.' His left eye twitched, he stepped foward, grabbed my chin and planted a small kiss on my lips ' I think it does. ' he whispered before he left.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed! From here the chapter should be this length unless I'm having complications with my writing. Leave some feedback it'll help me a lot and tell me if I have any mistakes or errors! Thanks bye!
> 
> PS I am Australian but I spell Mom differently so if you see it spelt Mum I'm very sorry.


	3. Panic! At The Maths Class

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It really was his luck that more stress was heaved onto him.

Just when he turned down the hallway I let my things clatter to the ground. Not in surprise. **No.** First day here and I'm having a panic attack. _But mum can't afford to switch schools!_ Making it worse, panic swells inside me. I spent a long amount of time pressed into the corner of the room that wasn't visible to people walking by. I huddled there against the wall until the panic passed. Then mere moments later a shrill bell cut through the peace I just felt. 

I clumsily gathered my things and ran to my locker. I missed recess. I dumped my things and grabbed a different lot of equipment for maths. I checked my schedule to see which room my subject would be held in. The hallways were almost bare which told me I had little time to go to class. I rushed to the classroom, overthinking the move to open the door. Breathing in, I turned the door handle. 

The teacher stopped talking and the heads of every student turned to look at me. I noticed the same blonde boy looking at me with his swirling blue eyes. 'Im sorry I'm late sir' I said with my head down, heading to a free seat near the door in the front row. 'Its Mr Kurd. Its ok Jamie,' Mr Kurd paused on my name 'try not to be late.'  
'Um Mr Kurd, I promise not to be tardy again.' He said a small 'ah' as if he was noting it for later. 

As the class went on and on about something I studied a few years ago that I should have learned now, I took the time to study people around me. The teacher, Mr Kurd, was a 60 year old gruff man of Asian nationality, wearing his green knitted vest over a short white t shirt and tan pants, glasses resting on the bridge of his nose. 

The students around me were all different. There was the punk people near the back left of the class, the jocks and their "partners" on the back right. The preps evenly sat in the front row, and the other types of kids just filled the other ten seats. Everyone looked like they were struggling with the subject. Did they not get this subject?

Sometimes when my mom couldn't find a school, I would take it upon myself to learn the things I thought kids in schools would be learning while mum was at work. Obviously I was ahead of the school system. 

'Jamie care to answer the question seeing as you obviously look like you know the subject?' Mr Kurds voice was tinged with annoyance. I looked down at my book. Scribbles were sprawled across the page. I must of spaced out. I looked up at the board, relieved to see a sum I understood written there. 

'Ah, ok.' I said getting up from my seat and pushing it into the desk. Mr Kurd handed me the marker and stepped back. I begin writing my answer without any working out. Within a few seconds it was done. 'Well it seemed like I misunderstood your understanding on this subject. Go sit down' He said to me. Before I got too far away, under his breath he noted 'No working out. Done extremely fast.'

Pleaded with myself I let the class drag on. When the bell rang I made an effort to get out before the blonde haired boy could walk to me. 'Jamie could I talk with you please?' Me Kurd asked before I could get out the door. I walked toward him and began rambling 'Look, Mr Kurd, if it's about me seeming like I wasn't paying attention, I really was!' 

'Oh don't worry Jamie, I try to catch students off guard during class. This is a very difficult subject and I am puzzled to know how you answered the equation with ease.' I looked up. I was right earlier. 'Uh well you see Mr Kurd I've been to a lot if different schools,' I explained, not wanting to let my past be exposed in any way. ' for personal reasons,' I added quickly. ' and sometimes when a school was hard to find I did my own learning. '

Mr Kurd looked amazed in a sense. 'This was all personal learning?'  
'Yes.'  
'Well if this is the case then, I would like to enrol you into ap math related subjects.' I looked up with surprise.  
'Oh wow! Ok!' I said with a small but fake smile. I had never smiled genuinely since _his_ death. 

'Well Mr Kurd I have to get to my next class so maybe at lunch or after school I can run you up on that.' He smiled and said goodbye. I didn't hurry to my biology class and made it there at the same as everyone else. Luckily during biology I wasn't called upon because I wasn't very good at this subject. But I wasn't so lucky to escape _him._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Um also as I've written, I've realised that I've had POV and Third person switches, so I'm still to edit it, but, hopefully it will all be changed to POV.


	4. You only pity me

For what felt as the millionth time, the bell ran its shrill cry. I began the same pack up and go procedure when a hand grabbed my wrist. It was that kid. I wanted to call out to the teacher but he did the same as the first. I pulled my hand out of the boys grip. 'Leave me alone. ' I growled, emphasising each word. 

Before I could leave the boy grabbed my shoulders firmly with his large hands. 'No!' Realising he might of been too aggressive he lowered his voice 'Not until you tell me!' When I looked at him blankly he added ' Why you look at me like that!' I lowered my eyes on the verge of tears, the boy grabbed my chin ' Don't look away until you answer me!'

Tears started streaming from my face and for the second time that day, I felt the red string of panic loop my lungs. Pulling. And tightening. My knees buckled and I fell to the floor. Grasping, clawing, at my chest, fighting, for breath. The boy lowered onto his knees 'What's happening? Are you okay?' He asked in concern. 

I couldn't hold it anymore. I let the dam of emotions break. 'Alec! Alec ok? That's who! That's why I can't look at you! You look like him, but he's gone! ' I strangled each sentence out of my throat incoherently and part scream. 'Im not him! My names Julien, just let me help you!' He looked at my state, pitifully and confusion in his eyes. 'Please.' He added. I nodded. With that small movement, he pulled me into a kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Very smol chapter. I is sorry.


	5. Tears in a bathroom stall

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This isn't the highschool beginning he liked.

Hey, I didn't think he was going to help my panic attack by kissing me. A panic attack could be stopped by slow breathing but not a kiss. It was a solution. I mean no loss to me either way. It was a long and engrossing kiss and by the end I think he snuck a little unneeded boner-fuel tongue. 

'Ok well I'm going to go now. It's lunch, if you need me just I'm down at the oval.' I stared at him blankly 'Ah right you don't know where that is... Uh well it's outside and you get there by opening the door next to room 31.' I nodded slowly and Julien left with a 'take care'. 

It took me a while I process everything but once I did, unstoppable tears streamed down my face, leaving large tracks. I pushed my way through the bustling hallways, walking into bathroom. I walked to the furthest stall, locked it behind me, and cried. 

I stayed there well after the bell rang. I had psychology. Oh well. I was pretty good at psychology at other schools. I'm sure that going to that subject was not more important than my matters right now. 

Time seemed to fly by because when I checked my phone there was 10 minutes until the end of school. I opened the stall door and walked to my locker. The hallways were quiet. Perfect. I packed my things and the moment I walked out of the schools large and regal gates the bell rang for the final time that day. 

I turned one corner until I heard someone calling out 'Wait! Wait!' I turned 180 to see Julien waving hands over his head like a spastic, sprinting dead on toward me. He almost crashed into me but, like a car, I swear he had emergency brakes. 

'Whats your name..?' Julien huffed out. I sighed 'Jamie. Now go away.' Turning around I started waking home. 'Hmm I'm thinking I'll stay the night with you.'  
'No.' I replied curtly.  
'Why not?' He questioned.  
'You're not welcome.' I finished. 

I looked over at him when he continued to walk after me. He looked like I had either kicked a puppy or thrown water on his birthday cake. 'Don't look at me like that.' I said. When he didn't reply I asked 'Why are you so set on following me to my home?'  
'Because I don't want to go to mine.'

Guilt filled me. There could have been a lot of reasons but I was drawn to the explanation of a broken home and a abusive dad. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so two chapters today because I am sorry that the other was short.


	6. Can't you just leave already?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Julien visits Jamie's house and they plan a date.

When we got to my house I pulled a key from jeans pocket and slid it into the door. With a click and a clack the door was open. I opened the door gesturing to Julien for him to go inside first. He walked in and whistled 'Neat place you got.'  
'Not really.'

'So where's your room?' Julien asked me as we slipped off our shoes. I pointed to the staircase in front of us. There was a hallway to the right of us where the living room and bathrooms where and there was a door at the left that led to the garage. 

I dumped my school bag by the shoe box which was near the door. Realising I hadn't eaten, I pulled my lunchbox out of my bag and moved up the stairs, not telling Julien anything. He tailed close behind. We reached the top of the stairs. To the left was my room, in front of me was the door leading to my moms bedroom and study. Then at my right was the open kitchen and dinner table. 

I pushed open the door leading to my clean room. I heard Julien wolf whistle behind me. I had my double bed pushed vertically against the part where two walls met and a bed table on either side. Then on the other side of my room was a desk for studying. I had a wall of windows and a wardrobe beneath it. Most of my furniture was black with blue accents. There might of been that smidgen of white somewhere. 

'Nice creepy emo feel this has.' Julien impulsively stated. 'Yeah.' I replied curtly. I sat down on my bed and unzipped my lunchbox's zip. I pulled out an apple. 'Sorry did I hurt your feelings? Also your lunchbox is full, did you not eat?' I nodded once, indicating that to both questions it was a yes. 

'You can't do that to yourself. You have to eat. Surely you would've during your missed session.' Julien probed, obviously wanting answers for why I missed psychology. I sighed and pinched my nose trying to lessen my sudden spilting head ache 'Look Julien, you obviously care but I'm fine. The only reason I missed my break was because I had better things to do.'

'What would that be?'  
'Thinking about what Mr Kurd said.'  
Julien's eyes grew wide at this. 'Ooh what'd he say?' He said nudging me. At some point he had managed to sit next to me. 'Something about ap classes.' I shrugged. 

'This is a big deal don't shrug this off! We have to celebrate!' I looked at the clock 'Only when you go home.'  
'Ok how bout we go to the Cinema on Friday?'  
'Ok fine as long as you go home!' I emphasised. He smiled 'It's a date then.' He winked and left before I could process anything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys. Me again. I'm writing another fanfiction so you can expect the first chapter by maybe Friday? This fanfiction will take longer to post though. Please leave some feedback, it helps me a lot. Have a great day!


	7. Look at the state you're in now

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Movies, wet dreams and depression all in one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so warning before you read this chapter. Trigger for depression and self harm. I will leave a summary at the end of the chapter.

After Julien left I stepped outside my room and knocked on my moms door. 'Mom?' I called out from the outside. 'Yes honey you can come in.' She called back. 'How was school honey?' She wrapped her arm around my waist looking up from her work. 

My mom was wearing cream three quarter pants and a blue button up that she had pushed up to her sleeves. Her caramel hair was tied neatly back and her fringe was kept in place by a clip. 

My mom was not an aged woman but she looked as though she had lived a million lifetimes. She had dimples when she smiled and creases in her forehead when she was stressed, sad or angry. But never usually the latter. Whenever she was in between, the wrinkles looked like God had just held her face too tight as they kissed. 

'S good.' I said with feigned happiness. 'Oh that's great baby!' Mom pulled me into a hug. 'Now finish any school work and then we can watch a movie!' Mom playfully slapped my arm and I turned for the door. 

I slumped down into my chair and began studying. The work was simple enough but by the time I finished, mom was already calling me for dinner. I packed away my things into my bag, grabbed my lunchbox and walked out to the kitchen. I placed my lunchbox on the bench and saw mom was placing two bowls full of stir fry on the table. 

I sat down and began tucking into my food. 'So what movie do you wanna watch?' Mom muffled from a mouth full of food. 'Dunno. Allegiant sounds good.' Truth be told we weren't going to the cinema. Mom had the movies. 

After dinner we pulled out some popcorn and began the movie. The movie went for around two hours and a big surprise happened at the end. Well at least in moms point of view. I saw it from the start. 

'Goodnight honey. I'm going to sleep but you need to have a shower.' She kissed my head, hugged me and sauntered off to her bedroom. I changed into my pjs first then walked to my bathroom and had a short shower. 

The warm water hit my ectomorphic body and dampened my dark brown hair. I washed myself clean an stepped out of the shower. I grabbed my towel, ruffled my hair dry and dried the rest of me. I pulled my fandom themed pyjamas on. And trudged back to my room. Tired and exhausted. 

I curled up and sleep came easily. 

'Jamie.' I turned to the source of the voice. Julien. 'Julien?' I replied. I noted the visible shrinking distance between us, a slow blush spreading over my face. Soon we were touching chests. Then we were lying on the ground. Julien cupped my face with one hand, the other rubbing up and down my thigh, our lips glued together. 

'Julien!?' I managed, breaking from the kiss alarmed. Julien said nothing and pulled down my pants. He then looked at me with his piercing blue eyes. His tongue was circling and exploring every part of my mouth. Julien's hand that was on my waist moved down to the obvious tent on my pants. 

'Julien stop!' I gasped between breaths. 'Shhh' he hushed 'let me.' He licked his lips. He pushed up my shirt. I averted my eyes feeling the wet skin on my own. I couldn't stop the gasps. I couldn't stop him pulling down my boxers and taking my length into his mouth. I couldn't stop the tears either. 

Julien's head bobbed up and down. Not like this. I didn't want to cum like this. Not with a figment of my imagination. In a dream. Julien pulled down his pants himself and fear swelled through me. I had no control over what happened in the following minutes. But Julien thrusted against me with no mercy. 

He branded from the inside. Took my pride. The chorus of moans, mewls and gasps as we reached our climax and the thick white blankets that covered us. Then as our lips connected I jolted awake. Covered. In sweat and tears. 

I looked over to my digital clock. 3:49 am. I sat up and wiped the tear tracks on my face. I looked down. Not only had this been a wet dream but this dream had made me hard. Dammit. I walked into the bathroom. I locked the door behind me. 

I pulled down my pants and made myself stop thinking about him. 

\----

Just as I was about to turn the handle, and go back to bedroom, I felt a deep yearn for something I thought I left behind. I opened the cupboard draw and rummaged through one of the baskets. Soon I felt the cold metal in my hands. It glinted in the light. 

_Go on, what are you waiting for?_

I dropped the blade in my lap and threw my head back against the door. This is sick. I squeezed his eyes shut and found the razor with my hands. I tightened the grip. I shook my head.   
“This isn’t good,” I whispered. “But I need it.”

With that, I pushed the metal against my skin, making a long horizontal cut. The metal collided with my pale skin and blood immediately beaded where the cut was made. I slowly opened my eyes and allow myself to look at the blood dripping down my arm. 

I felt the pain and forgot about everything about Julien. I didn’t stop the blood, I didn’t want to. I buried the razor in my arm again, letting the blood escape from my veins. Another one. I started making them deeper, and longer.

I felt the energy leaving my body. I dropped the blade on the floor and quickly undressed. I looked at my pjs, a number of bloodstains. I threw my clothes on the ground and ran the water from the sink, cleaning my cuts. 

And then, all the pain came crashing back into me. _I was just being weak._  
“I’m weak,” I whispered, convinced that I was, while staring at the blood in the sink, mixing with the water. _“I’m worthless.”_

I lay there. For hours. I felt empty and upset that I had restorted to two unacceptable things. I felt better but worse. The war inside my mind was just as if suddenly the people were against themselves. I let my time waste away as I just stared at a wall, grasping my newly bandaged wrist. I heard my alarm go off in the bedroom and got ready for the day ahead. 

**I hated pretending.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So Julien leaves, Jamie eats dinner and watches a movie. Then he wakes up and has a wet dream about Julien touching him and they have short sec. Jamie wakes up and is crying. He mastur bates. He decides to go and self harm. He can't get back to sleep after that. Then it's morning and Jamie has to go to school all over again.


	8. Why did you flinch?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Was it something I had said? Was it something I did? To make you flinch and look at me like that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning for anxiety attacks and mentions of self harm and abuse. What happens will be in the end notes.

'How are you honey?' My mom asked sweetly after I was dressed and eating breakfast, not questioning my long sleeved hoodie. 

**Stop asking these questions. I hate lying.**

'Mmm tired' I mumbled. Tired was the closet thing to depressed and in the morning, people wouldn't think you were lying. I ate my cereal and packed my things for school. I waked to school that morning but only after telling mom I'd be fine about 50 times. 

I waked through the school gates again and didn't realise what a helluva mistake that would prove to be later. As I walked through the school halls, my anxiety seeped in and I felt the people watching, knowing my secrets and...and... _laughing._

I pushed through people to get to my locker. I dumped my stuff in the locker and pulled out my things for elective arts. I sat through home room. With Julien. I could feel him and his eyes boring into my soul. 

I made it through arts as Julien (finally) didn't have a class with me but recess was horrific. I was actually going to try and eat my recess today but Julien had other plans. _I shouldn't of flinched._ I was waking to go sit down by a tree alone when I heard rapid footsteps and someone grab my wrist. 

I whipped around like Lightning McQueen and flinched at contact. I ripped my arm away from him. Julien seemed happy enough until this moment. His eyes were filled with an indescribable rage but they felt gentle with worry or maybe even... Sadness? I also noticed a scratch underneath his eyes. 

'Jamie,' Julien began 'why did you flinch?' His voice on edge. 'No reason.' I snapped, resisting every urge to rub my sore wrist. 'Show me your arm.' He countered.  
_'No.'_  
'Why not?'  
**'Because I don't want to!'** I held back the screaming at the end. Julien wasn't taking any of it and the next thing I knew, he grabbed my arm, rolled up the sleeve and gasped. 

He dropped my arm and gripped both of my shoulders aggressively. _**'Why would you do that to yourself?** To me? Is it because of me?'_ He nearly yelled.  
**'Shut up! You don't know a goddamn thing about me so stay out of my life!'** I yelled back. I stepped out of his arms and the next thing I knew, Julien held his cheek, my arm raised. _I hit him._ God what wrong with me. 

I muttered an apology, collected my things and as I walked I could tell that Julien stood there, in shock, because two things he never thought would have happened, happened. 

I avoided Julien for the rest of the day and he made no action to change that. I made sure to hurry home. 

****But even that couldn't go according to plan.** **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So Jamie is feeling quite depressed after what he did to himself. He goes to school and barely keeps up in class. Julien finds Jamie during break and grabs Jamie's wrist that had the cuts. Julien finds out about Jamie's suicidal depression and his self harm and the two argue. The bell rings and Jamie leaves in a hurry to class.


	9. The accident

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for not uploading 

The day had dragged on and on, so, when the bell went I made haste to leave school. Maybe if I had not tried to run, everything could have been avoided. I really was careless. 

I had run far from the school in an attempt to get away from Julien. He caught up to me away. When he did we were passing through a four intersection road. 'Jamie!' He called out, running after me. 

'Leave me alone!' I called back, turning up the notch on my speed. There was a pedestrian crossing. People were still crossing it but the light was flashing. I ran onto the road, still trying to get away from Julien. 

'JAMIE!' Julien pained voice yelled out. I heard the sound of skidding. Then everything went dark.


	10. I want to say sorry one million time over

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Okay two chaps today because I is very sorry

The first thing that returned to me was my consciousness but not my movement. Maybe I was in a comatose state. I felt someone grasping to my left hand with both of theirs. 'Why Jaime, why. I thought you were better. I thought you had moved on. If I had any idea I would have helped you.' The talking stopped and was replaced by sobs. The person crying was my mother. 

I noticed a few more things. The clothes I was wearing; weren't my own. My scars; for all to see. My mother; broken. She was scared of the person I had become. She probably saw the other parts of my body littered with scars. Like my thighs, hips and wrists. If my mouth could form words I would have said "I'm sorry".

I tried to but the only thing I could do were twitch my fingers. My mother grasped my hand tightly 'Oh you're here my precious baby. We'll make it through this, I promise.' I moved my mouth into a tiny smile as I fell asleep. 

I don't know how many hours had passed but when I woke up, I could open my eyes. My mom lay with her head partially on the bed. My body felt sore. I began to do a check of my body.

I looked at my legs first. Badly bruised but they weren't broken or bleeding. My arms were scraped and had scabbed over. My chest just hurt with every breath. I grabbed my phone that was on the hospital bedside table and turned it on to selfie cam. My lip had a bloody gash and two strips of tape were bandaged over the bridge of my nose. I had a odd bandage under my eye. 

I had looked like I had already begun my healing a week ago. That's when my mom stirred. When she saw I was awake she squeezed and hugged me close. I knew she was already crying. 

'Honey my baby I love you. You need to stay with me. Please don't follow your father. I don't want to be alone, I don't want to be without you.' I hugged her back and whispered 'I'm sorry mom.'. We cried together.


	11. Recovering

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hospital angst and fluff

We stayed that way from a while and when we pulled apart mom spoke first 'You know it was a lonely while without you.' I looked up shocked. Mom continued,

'Julien was very upset. I mean when he called me he said he was in the back of an ambulance because you were hit by a car. I could barely understand him through his crying. He was devastated, devastated Jaime, when he realised they wouldn't let him through unless he was family. Non family members only get to visit between 1 and 2. He demanded I call him when you woke up. When he hears he'll rush here and wait for an hour before he can visit you.' 

Mom smiled. 'I'll call him now.' Mom pulled out her phone and it was answered immediately. I could just imagine Julien's face as he was hearing that I was awake, that he could see me. I could just picture him running out the door, fumbling on a jumper whilst having his ear pressed against his phone and shoulder. 

I waited a whole hour full of anticipation before the clock, above where my sleeping moms head was, hit 1. Mom had gone to get a drink so, I sat there for a few more minutes before the curtains were drew back. Julien was panting and the moment he saw my eyes open, he hugged me. 

He hugged me so goddamn tight, he practically squeezed the tears out of me. The tears rolled tracks down my face. Julien's eyes were red when he pulled back, he only looked at me for a second when he pulled us together. Only this time when he did, our lips locked. 

It was a good feeling. I felt all light and fuzzy. Like hamsters had been stuffed in me. Actually no, that's creepy. It was a sad feeling though. I felt guilt and pain. I had put Julien through that experience and I wanted to say sorry. 

I pulled apart from Julien, he looked a little upset. 'Look Julien, I'm really sorry.' his look of confusion told me I needed to explain 'If I hadn't run away and only told you about...things, it wouldn't have gotten to that and in really sorry.' After a few seconds in silence, I looked up at Julien who seemed to be thinking. 

His eyes went soft and he simply told me 'It's ok. We'll get through this.' Then he pulled me into a kiss. A second later I heard a gasp. It was from my mom. I broke the kiss and turned to my mom, she seemed shocked. 'Mom before you do anything, I'm gay!!' I blurted out even though my mom already knew. 

Mom shook off any shock and laughed for a bit. 'Its quite all right I mean you've told me but I never expected you to be in a relationship yet haha. Oh well suppose I'll leave you two alone then.' Mom walked back into the room with her newly aquired solo, picked up her bag, and left. Me. Alone. With. Julien. 

Julien smirked an kissed at my lips roughly. Things went in a blur. I remember us kissing before hearing rapid beeping and feeling dizzy. I remember doctors rushing in. Later they told two people that it was best that I rest. I wasted a few days away before I could be discharged.


	12. The Rape

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jamie isn't having a good time now that he's back at school.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING there is rape in this chapter. Summary at the end of the chapter.

'What do you mean they're kicking you off the team?' I questioned Julien. He gave a lopsided grin and scratched back of his head 'Well actually because I've been leaving the school every day for the past two weeks at 12:30 and getting back at 2:30, the coach decided to kick me off the team as we practice during lunch. '

'Man that sucks. That's it!' I said standing up from our little eating spot under a tree. 'Where do you think he is?' I asked Julien  
'Well it's lunch time so he should be by the oval. You remember how to get there right?' Julien replied  
'Yeah, yeah'

\----

I knock on the door and two men open the door “Coaches? I’ve got to talk to you. I don’t think you should kick Julien from the team.”

“Err why?" The younger coach asked with a dubious look on his face “Julien was watching over me when I was in hospital”

Young coach tilts his head, “Explain.”

I sigh, “We were disputing over silly things and in an attempt to get away from him I accidentally ran in front of a car... ”

“Hmmm…” Young coach rubs his chin, “Alright, I’m going to go check up with the principal. ”

The older coach let him leave, sitting on the edge of the desk in front of me. He’s thinking, going by the minute twitches in his face, and a little bit of worry slips itself into my stomach. It only worsens as he begins to speak. I bites my lip for a moment, and he knows I can’t avoid this. 

“So what were you two fighting over?'

I take a step back, “ Uh… I guess the odds never work in my favour. Look, I’ve gotta go now- Julien's waiting on me and-”

My back meets with the floor then, my breath heaving out as the lock simultaneously clicks. I'm still now, looking up horrifyingly to the football coach towering over me, a sinister glare on his face.

“Thought you can try and run to your little boyfriend?” he chuckles darkly, “I bet he’s the one who caused you to be hospitalised. Now you’re here, all alone, with the faint scent of heaven smeared all over your skin, and probably bruises too.”

To emphasise his point, the older coach gets on top of me, dragging his tongue along my skin. I cringe, feeling my stomach jolt painfully, my muscles beginning to shake as coach keeps lingering on me.

“Get the fuck off me!” I spit, throwing my arm up to hit the coach in the side of the head while he isn’t looking.

Coach catches the arm, causing me to tense, “I assure you I’m going to get off from you- in a certain way. You smell so sweet, like a personalized treat just for my taking.”

“Let me go!” I scream horrifyingly. He pushes me farther into the tiles as he snarls, “If you leave- I’ll go as far as sending Julien into jail for what’s he’s done!”

I stop fighting then, looking up at the sick, twisted man above me with pure mortification. I came here to solve the football problem with Julien and now I've made it thousands of times worse. God, I fucking sucked at this.

“Now that you’ve got our little deal processed in your mind…” he growls, “I’m going to take you for myself here on this floor.”

I stay silent as I close my eyes tightly, feeling the hem of my jeans be pulled down slowly, coach touching as much as he possibly could around my boxers. He was going to make this a slow, horrible process.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jamie goes to school and hears the Julien's going to be knocked of the sport team as he missed practice while going to visit Jamie at hospital. Jamie goes to convince the coaches to keep Julien on the team, but a the older coach leaves to get a coffee, the other coach takes it as a opportunity to pounce on Jamie


	13. Save him. You can't.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> JULIEN POV

I tap my foot against the flooring, Jamie should be back from whatever he’s been doing by now. I get up, trying to figure out where in the hell he's gone. I walked out down one of the hallways, seeing the older coach, Coach Stan. He calls me over.

“Yes coach?”  
“You’re friend Jamie just did something for you- he’s trying to convince Luke and I to keep you on the team.” My smile is wide, “That’s awesome! Do you know where he is?”  
“He should still be talking with Luke. I’m going to get some coffee and then be down there myself.”

I nod, making my way down the hall. I start thinking of how I can possibly make up for Jamie’s favour. I reach the door. 

Something's not right. 

I kick the door. There lies Jaime, underneath Luke with his eyes shut, tearing streaming from his face, body shaking and jeans pooled at his ankles. When Lukes head shoots up to see me, it’s quickly shoved into the nearby desk.

Luke wipes away some of the blood trickling down his forehead, blinking his eyes just as I lift him by the collar of his shirt and throw him down into the ground. When the thud of his skull hitting the tiling hits the air, I take a leg off one of the wooden chairs. I pause for a moment before I can start bashing him, and that’s when Coach Stan walks in. He nearly drops his coffee- or he would have- because I snatch it out of his hand. I wait for Luke's eyes to connect to mine before I pour the scalding liquid all over his crotch.

“Fuck!” Luke cries, the word mixing in with a scream as the steam rolls off his burning hot clothes.

Coach Stan runs over, “Julien- get Jaime out of here- I’ll take care of this.”

With the sound of his tone, I realise Coach Stan is just as infuriated as I am, so I leave Luke with him. I look over to find Jamie- and he’s crushed.

He’s huddled in the corner, his jeans already pulled back up onto his hips, and he’s shaking next to some vomit. I walk over, Jamie flinching a little as I nears him.

“Shhh, Jamie…” I say lightly, “It’s okay- I’m here now…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh no my poor baby *emotionless and sarcastic tone


	14. Don't do it

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jamie's POV again

Everyday, twice a day, I scrubbed at the places where my body was tainted until it was red raw, but, I did not pick up te razor as I had promised never to again.


	15. The date

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \---- means a time skip

I had been waiting for my first date for a while.

Sure, Julien and I had been together for a couple of months and sure, we were together almost everyday after school for “study sessions”, but we had never gone out on an actual date.  
And of course, Julien wasn’t my boyfriend for nothing. 

He had figured out something was off during one of their “study sessions”, and had gotten me to confess with a few kisses. 'I wanna go on a date.' I blushed. “We don’t have to do it though.” I mumbled.  
“I know. But I want to. You still owe me” The light haired boy had given me a peck on my lips.

\----

On a Saturday morning, I left my mom at home and made my out way to the arcade and ice cream parlour. Maybe we could take a walk in the park if the weather would allow it. 

I had decided to wear sneakers, jeans, blue T-shirt and a black no sleeve vest. Julien was dressed in tan jeans and a green t-shirt. His hair had also grown out a little so it reached his shoulders. His foot attire were these simple slip ons. “Hi.” He greeted.

“Hi.” I cursed the obvious blush I was sure was spreading across my face. My heart was beating faster within each passing second, my face was heating up like I had a nasty sunburn, and I couldn’t say anything without tripping over my own words.

“You do look nice. ” Julien said softly, cupping my face and lightly kissing my cheek. 

When Julien pulled back he seemed keen on avoiding my gaze as I was. “You look nice too.” I murmured. I wasn’t sure, but I could almost spot a bit of colour spreading across his face.

After fifteen minutes of walking through the busy streets while holding Julien's hand, I had calmed down a bit. We hadn’t said anything to each other ever since we started our date. 

It was hard to miss the place we were headed to. A big neon green sign hung above the doors that spelled “Steve’s ARCADE” with a moving pacman next to the letters.

Julien greeted the employees as we walked inside, and I noticed the place wasn’t too crowded today, with just a few kids over at the arcade games and a couple of teenagers trying to get a plushie on a crane machine.

“What do you feel like doing?” Julien questioned, looking around, probably trying to figure out what he felt like doing himself.

\----

We played air hockey first.   
Julien won.  
“Wipe that grin off your face, I want a rematch." I told Julien's beaming face. Soon I beat Julien three times in a row when he kept demanding a rematch. 

“You’re evil.” He stated, setting his mallet down. “No, I’ve just been playing this game since I was a kid. You underestimate my wisdom.” I joked. “I would do no such thing.” He assured. “Are you hungry? We could go get ice cream right now.”

I raised my eyebrows. “Right now? But its only-” I checked my watch. “-four thirty. Wow, it’s later than I thought.”  
“Time flies.” Julien's replies. “So, ice cream now or later?”  
“What the hell. I’m getting hungry, anyways.” 

\----

At the parlour, Julien ordered caramel and I ordered chocolate. I felt happy. It was an unusual feeling after the hectic highschool journey. Subconsciously I grabbed Julien's hand. “Hey.” his voice broke my train of thought. “You ok?”  
“Yeah.” I responded. 

"What do you wanna do now?" I said finishing my ice cream. Julien smirked and pulled me in for a melting and tasty kiss. His tongue swirled around in my mouth and when he pulled back I felt all hot, bothered and dizzy. But good. 

“You know,” Julien said. “I was gonna ask you to have some of your ice cream, but i think I’ve tasted enough of it right there.”

I was tempted to throw my ice cream covered spoon at his face. We paid and walked outside to see light drizzling getting heavier. 

“It wasn’t supposed to rain today.” Julien repeated for what was probably the third time. “I checked. It was supposed to be sunny today.”

It was until nasty clouds rolled in. Seeing as neither either of us wanted to go to a house we decided to go the theatre. We went to see a horror movie that Julien had picked on purpose. He I could feel his dirty smirk as I clutched to him during the movie. 

When the movie was over and we had give outside, it was damp but no longer raining. "I'm sorry" that gets Julien's attention and he turns to me asking "What for?"  
“About the rain. I know you worked hard planning this, and I wanted it to go well.” I replied, looking down at my hands.

“Are you seriously apologizing because of the rain? Honestly, Jamie, I can’t believe you sometimes. The date did go well. It went great. Didn’t you like it?”  
“Of course I liked it.” I assured. “I was just assuming that you- well-, you didn’t.”

“Then” Julien pressed a kiss to my cheek. “you don’t know me as well as you think you do.”  
“I really like you, you know.” I say out of nowhere, surprising even myself. “I know.” He brings his face down so our lips could meet in a soft kiss. “I really like you too.”

“You know,” Julien says when he pulls back “We should definitely go on dates more."


	16. Abuse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning for abuse and swearing. There will be a summary in the end notes. Julien's POV

Honestly I thought going on a date with Jamie would clear my mind from things at home, but when I got home it was the same old that I had experienced for four years. 'Julien get your ass over here!' Not more than ten seconds I had entered my home I was being yelled at again. 

Mom had tried everything to get us away from the abusive bastard, but lawyers said they wouldn't accept our case. My dad's threats usually kept me from going to the police with a black eye. 

'Oi you little fuck. Where'd you go?' He barked at me from the couch with a beer in his hand, but many more spewed across the table. 'Out with a friend.' I replied softly  
'Who said you could do that huh?!' He piffed an empty bottle at my head. I ducked just before it made contact, instead shattering on the wall next to me, one shard managing to scratch my cheek. 

'Im sorry!' I pleaded. Satisfied with my plea, the fat pig turned his attention back to the TV 'Better be.'.

Drained, I walked into my room. Huddled on my bed, shaking, was my mom. She stood when I entered and closed the door behind me. She cupped my face, her blue cobalt eyes full of worry. 'Oh baby what did he do to you...' She trailed off pressing a kiss to me temple. 'Its ok.'

'I wish it was.' Mom replied squeezing me with a hug. Mom ran a hand through her blonde pixie cut, unconvinced. 'It really is mom!' I say trying to reassure her 'I've met this amazing guy and I spent some time with him today!' I look at my mom smiling, but then I realised. 

I messed up. 

'Aw honey that's great!' She hugs me with a smile this time. 'No son of mine is a fag!' My dad yells at me ripping the door open. His face is bright red 'You get out of this house. I don't want to see you ever again!' 

My mom throws herself at the drunken man 'No Carl! Can't you just let out son be happy for once?' He throws her off him. Mom's head hits a wall and she goes limp. The cut on my cheek burns.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Julien gets home in a good mood only to be yelled at by his father. Julien is taken aside by his mother, who apologises as says that they will have a better life. Julien trys to comfort his mum by saying that he has met an amazing guy. Julien's father yells at Julien saying that he will have no son that is gay. Julien's mother flings herself at his dad trying to protect Julien but is badly injured.


	17. Bye bye Daddy-o

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Swearing and offensive language. Still Julien's POV

Maybe, I think to myself, maybe this is finally what it's taken for him to be arrested. I stuff my things into a bag and run out the door, the scene of mom hitting her head replaying in my mind. I run. I run as fast as I can to the station, tears dried on my face, the blood clotted from the cut. 

I ramble to the police. I tell them about the abuse, I tell them about the drinking, I tell them about my mother being denied court. I tell them she could be dead. 

Not five minutes later, my "dad" was fined charges and imprisonment whilst being pushed into a cop car. He'll go to court. 'Won't I get justice? Won't I get a trial?' When his eyes link with mine he becomes violent 'It's all that fags fault! He lying to you! It's what they do!' When the cops don't say anything he turns his anger to me. 

'Its all your fucking fault! You're a failure and fag! You always be, and I'm ashamed that I've got you as a lousy excuse as a son!' The rest of his words are cut off as the cars door shut, but the sting still lingers. 

A cop walks up to me 'Your mom is fine and in a stable condition, although she will be taken to hospital to have her vitals and head checked.' he walks off. 

Then it starts to rain for the second time that day.


	18. BUTT SEX

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Y'all waiting for the sex. Here it is. And dark themes and mentions of past rape and suicide. Read at your own risk

I bite the end of my pen. Ap maths was kind of difficult. My phones lights up with JULIEN across the screen. I pick up the phone and answer with a cheery, 'Hey Jules what's up?' Jules was Julien's nickname. 

'Hey Jamie' Julien replied without his usual level of cheer. 'Whats wrong?' I hear Julien sigh from the end 'Could you...Could you just come over?' I already knew my answer as I picked up my jacket hung over my bed, leaving my maths for later. 

\----

Julien opened the door immediately after I rang the door bell. I hugged him. Julien seemed to want to melt into my touch and forgot about whatever he was thinking about. 'Julien...' I start ' Can... Can I come in?' Julien nods. 

It's the first time I've ever been in his house. His house has that homey feel. The architraves are a dark hardwood that matches the floorboards. Half of the walls are exposed, showing a brown brick behind. We walk into his family living space. There are cans splayed across the table and floor infront of the TV. 

The table is rustic and worn. In the living space is a small fireplace. I could imagine Julien playing infront of it as a child. Julien leads me into his room and locks the door behind him. Surprisingly it's a clean space. 

Julien has a light blue and white bed. Most of the furniture is white with grey or light blue accents. Julien grasps my hand lightly and sits me down on his mattress. 

'Julien...'  
'Don't. Please. I need... Can you tell me your story first?' His looks at me with his piercing big blue eyes. In this moment they look like pools of sadness. I take a deep breathe in 'Ok.' I begin shakily, looking into his eyes for reassurance.

'When I was thirteen I had a study group. One night, after the group was over, I went to the library. I stayed there too long and by the time I left, it was unbelievably dark. I walked home through a shortcut as it was damp and cold that night. I didn't know-' my voice cut short because of the heaviness in my throat. Five years later and it was still a sensitive topic. 

Julien cupped my face, smiled, an kissed me gently 'You don't have to say anything if it's that bad...'  
'No I want to.' I say preparing to continue and push down any tears, 'As I was saying, I didn't know that it would be the worst mistake I've ever made. I remember this man - no men, grabbing me and pulling me into this alleyway.'

'I remember how they snickered and made the process so shameful. It-it was so scary Julien.' I grab his shirt. I need an anchor. 'I remember how they pulled my clothes off, how they "prepared" me, how they shoved themselves into me. In more ways than one.'

'I didn't tell anyone. They threatened me. One year later, their faces appeared on the news- they had overdosed on drugs and had a car crash. All three of them. I remember how I told my dad.' I look at Julien. I'm choking up and my eyes are watering. God it's hard to talk, more so breathe. 'The shame Julien.' I cry, 'The shame in his eyes.'

I take a deep breathe and sniffle 'The next day, he took me for a walk near a station. He talked about how much he loved me, then, before I could do anything, he walked onto the track. He died right infront of me. The only people I told about what happened when I was thirteen was my Dad and Alec. They're both dead. It took me a year to get over each death but it's left scars in my mind.'

I offer a small smile. 'You know, when the coach went crazy he had just brought up bad memories. ' I pull closer into Julien. 'Could you tell me your story?'  
'My dad's just being an abuse asshole for the past four years.' He kisses me for a long time.

He looks down at me 'Jamie, I know this may be scarring, but would you let me care for those places they branded when you were young?' I nod. 

Julien's hands feel so much more delicate as he slides off my tshirt. He tugs his own off with ease. Julien kisses trails down my jawline and collarbone. He unzips my pants and tugs them so the tent in my underwear is obvious. I feel self conscious in this moment but I remember that Julien loves me. 

Julien's lips slid over my nipple, giving him a loud gasp. He looks up at me and stops his trail of kisses that were going further down. His left hand clasps the bulge in my boxers and his lips begin suckling my nipple. Julien nips at my skin, leaving love bites. 

Julien's kisses trail down to the hem of my boxers 'Jamie are you sure about this?' Julien asks me 'Wont this give you bad memories?'  
'Julien, you are not those men. You are better.' With no further explanation, Julien slid off my boxers and his own. 

His hand clasped around my length. I held onto Julien tightly, gripping his shoulders. Julien stroked up and down painfully slowly. 'Julien stop being a bloody tease and hurry up. Don't do all this needless crap.' I pant. 

Julien looks deep into my eyes with his own lust blown eyes. 'Oh Jamie, such language. Maybe if you scream my name I will.' Julien's voice dripping with sex, sliding three fingers into me. 

I curse colourfully-from pleasure or pain, I do not know. Julien's licks two of his right hand fingers and begins rubbing my nipples again. I mewl like a kitten. 'No Jamie, I will not let you come now. You won't until I tell you, okay?'

I nod and pant. Julien's slids out of me muttering something about how he'll fuck me into oblivion, but I don't hear him. I grab for Julien's shoulders and pull him into the most power hungry kiss. I grind and buck my hips against Julien's leg, wishing for some friction. Then Julien angles our bodies together and goes in. 

I half gasp half scream. Julien pounds into me. I dig my nails into his shoulders as our sweaty bodies rub up and down against each other. Julien grunts 'You will-not come-ah!-wait-for my-signal.' Julien change his position slightly so each time he hits the deep and sweet spot with his length. 

This is painful. Julien didn't use lube. It becomes so painful. Been forced not to come and have no lube as Julien fastens his pace to rapid thrusting. It's a painful pleasure. 'Please,' I whimper, tightening my grip on Julien, 'Let me come. Don't be a fucking troll you twat' I say, my voice tinged with more swear and anger. 

With one more pound Julien growls 'It's ok Jamie. You can let it out now.' Julien thrust once more even after our climax. It is then that I feel his come leak out of my hole. I wrap my arms around Julien's neck, still panting, and we stay like that for a while.


	19. Hello darkness my old friend

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry to end the happiness from the smut 

I wake up that Sunday morning in a spooning position, (I'm the little spoon) to feel Julien's strong arms around me. I turn around, not waking him, and brush his shoulder length blond hair away from his face. I smile, things are better. Things are peaceful. I close my eyes and circle my arms around Julien. 

Minutes later I wake up to loud sounds. Someone, running up the stairs, heading for this room, breaking the door from its hinges. And person is about to kill me and the waking Julien. 

Julien's dad bursts through the door. He has murder in his eyes. Julien is still dazed and is only opening his eyes. 'So this is the other fag you're sleeping with eh?' This mans face is so scary. His face is boiled red with rage. 

He pulls me into their lounge. And slams me against the brick exposed wall.


	20. Stop or I swear I'll kill you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Julien's perspective

I hear four loud thuds. The last thud is louder than the rest and the third thud is followed by a grunt. 

I run into my lounge room. My dad is standing above Jamie. His left eye is bruised and the back of his head is dripping with a liquid my brain can't process. My mind goes blank. All I can understand is that my dad's knuckles are split open and bleeding from punching Jamie to hard. 

I scream. This is finally the time I'm going to fight back. I'm going to get my revenge. I don't care how he's still here, but when I'm done he's going to be in jail for life. Or dead. Whichever, I don't care. 

I don't know how long we're fighting for, but I know that the punches exchanged lasted long enough for loud knocking on the door. My sight is blurry with white rage. 

Before unknown and blurry people can pull my father and I apart, he pushes me with so much force. My head connects with the wall behind me, and everything goes black.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next two chapter will be really hard and dark so be careful.


	21. Please say you're joking

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Julien's POV again

Slowly, my eyes crack open.   
Where the hell am I?  
The room is white. Someone's sleeping on my lap. The moment I shift, he wakes up. It's Jamie. Tears fill his eyes and he begins yabbering on about crap I don't understand. 'Ohmygod Jules... They said...they said you could be brain dead.'

'They said a lot of shit, but your mum and I believed in you. Here you are! Your dad...' Jamie says looking down, then looking back up at me. 'He's gone for good now. They have enough to keep him there for a long, long time.'

'Jamie...why are you here?'  
He looks up at me, eyes red around the rims. 'What...what do you mean? Jules, you're special to me. Why wouldn't I be here?' I look at him confused. 'You...you and I only met yesterday...why would I be special to you? And why am I in hospital?'


	22. Pieces click together

It couldn't be... My face falls. Julien... Doesn't remember me. The doctor said...he said he may not remember anything from a week to his whole life due to the bump he had on his head. His mind lost 6 months of memories. All the memories we made. 

It checked out really. The two months of dating, one month in hospital, the two months of holidays and the spare time in between. To him, yesterday was the day he saved me from my panic attack. To him, his dad is still abusive and he and I mean nothing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The fic is nearing the end!!


	23. Remember me

I gave him time. I tried jogging his memory but he turned me down and said that "It was all in the past," and "We can still stay as friends.". I didn't want him to be my friend. I wanted him to be my boyfriend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for next chapter


	24. Don't say goodbye

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Attempted suicide warning.

I pressed the numbers on my phone, the buttons heavy as lead. I could hold it in no more. I really had no more reason to live anymore. Today I would end all of this pain...I knew it was selfish of me, but... What could I do? Jules is gone. Dad and Alec are gone. Ive lost everything.

"Jule-Julien.." the name of my old friend flows from my lips. "What Jamie? Im busy. I have football practise right now. I dont have time for your useless memory jogging sessions or anything like that" comes the harsh response, but, I truly don't care right now. "Im sorry, Jules" I softly whispered "What's with that?" Julien's voice was filled with confusion yet a hint of worry could be heard.

"Jules.. you're my closest and best friend I could ask for in the past.. Though, I still think that way up until today." I stated   
"Hey, Jamie! You're not up to any crazy thing are you?!" His angry, yet concerned voice replies from the other end. "I'm sorry but.. I'm going to fly somewhere far away and all alone now.." I whispered . A soft smile appearing on my lips. Letting out a dry laugh, I looked down.

"You're not trying to commit suicide aren't you?! Hey! Answer me, Jamie!" Julien was practically shouting. Was he surprised by my sudden act? "Where are you now?! Dammit Jamie!" 

~~~

I had ran out from practise desperately searching for Jaime. Looking up at each tall building. After running like crazy for a few minutes, though it feels like years to me, I could see a figure on the top of one of the buildings. "J-Jamie!!" I shouted with all of my might. 

Surprised, the latter jumped a little as his phone slipped off of his hand and falls down onto the flat ground behind him. "Don't move from there! Jamie!" 

~~~

Before I knew it , I could see Jules down below. "You..look so small down there.." The comment slipped out from my mouth "You hear me, Jamie! Please don't you dare jump!" I could hear his voice ringing through my ear. I was.. a little glad .. that there was someone who actually cared about me. But still..

I slowly turn my back and look the sky, before I hear Julien yell "Jamie!!!!" I squeezed my eyes tight as I heard my name being called. A single tear slid down my cheek. "I'm sorry." I whispered. I turn around so I'll fall forward. 

The long distance closes in such fast time. I smile as I feel the fall going to end soon. 

But.. 

"That hurt, dammit Jamie!" Julien's voice makes me open my eyes in an instant. "Ju...Lien...?" I choke out the name. I hadn't died yet. Jules had caught me.. before I could reach the hard, could pavement. "Why..?" The question was thrown to the other man.

Jules pulled himself and me up before he answered, "Don't 'why' me ! Are you insane?!" Jules wasted no time into scolding me. "Ah right ! You're never ever sane!" He continued grumpily. I looked down in shame. I had never expected this kind of ending.. The thought of Jules saving him had never crossed his mind. Yet.. He did.. Jules did come for me.

"What were you thinking?! You would've died if I hadn't come !" He continued to scold. "That's what..I'm trying to do.." I whisper . Jules was left speechless when I said that. He sighs and frustratedly runs his hand through his hair. I avert my gaze away from Jules. 

He takes a step forward and closes our distance. Our lips fit perfectly. Just like they used to. I was thrown off guard at the sudden move, but say nothing and instictively kiss back. 

Jules pulls back. When I look at him, he's crying. "I remember! I remember our first date!" He pulls me in for a hug. We stay like that for a while. He's crying about how he'll focus on our time together. I cry, tears rolling down my cheeks, because I've got another chance with the person I love. 

Jules pulls back after awhile and presses our forehead together. "Dont do any reckless thing like that ever again." He says softly. "I love you."


	25. Epilouge

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ahem uh *clears away cobwebs* oops here it is anyway. The last chapter woooo

/Three years later. Jamie and Julien have both successfully become what they invested their studies toward. Julien being a health model and personal trainer, Jamie being a doctor and part time mathematician. Julien successfully regained all his memories after 17 weeks of being with Jamie. They now live together in a medium sized home, under the name of Jamie and Julien Martin-Smith, 10 minutes away from their mothers. Every year, Jamie and Julien visit Jamie's dad's grave in Canada. Julien's dad still serves a life sentence in prison, for domestic abuse and multiple uncovered previous crimes./

'Jeez Jules, this is a wedding for goodness sake! Fix your hair and bow tie!' My hands move up to the golden and tangly locks, when Julien grasps my hand. He presses it lightly against his lips. I look him dead in the eye and say 'Stop making me hard or no sex after the after party.'

Julien winks 'Alright my angel.' I can feel my ears go hot. I check the clock. 35 minutes before the wedding. Eh, Julien's clothes are messy anyway. 

I turn on the shower and rip off both of our clothing. The water is still a little cold when he and I step in. Our lips already locked and our hips bucking against each other. Julien nips the skin, leaving small love bites, trailing down my crotch. I'm not prepared when he takes it in his mouth. I've had three years of sex with him, but shower sex is an all new. 

He gropes my ass and slides two fingers, wet with shower water, in my hole. With expertise, he finds the swet spot in no time. I gasp and Julien looks into my grey eyes with his own blue ones. 'Ah fuck you. We need to do this quickly. Just shove yourself in me you dick.' 

Julien's yanks my body over his hot an pulsing length with vigour. I've never felt so unprepared. It's a quick motion that I wasn't prepared from. Many gasps come from my mouth, while many grunts come from Julien's. While he trusts in and out of me, my fingers rub over his nipples. I squeeze them hard enough to make Julien gasp from pleasure. 

Soon our lips connect and drown out our moans only slightly 'Mmfahfammf!' Julien's trust become more rapid 'Mmm! Mmm! Ahh!' Soon I feel myself on knifes edge. Julien sense my sudden tense and stops his trusts all together. He breaks the kiss, smiles and rubs his tounge over my nipples until the pleasure sweeps me over. Julien trusts once more and our come goes down the drain. 

\----

We rush out of the house. Somehow looking more presentable after sex. We make it to the wedding with two minutes to spare. Julien sits down and I kiss him the cheek, 'I'll be with you in a moment. Love you babe.'

Yes I'll see him later. I have someone to walk down the aisle. 

\----

'You ready?'   
'Not really.'  
'Remember, the one you love is out there. Just waiting to see you in your beautiful dress. '  
'Ok.'

\----

I walk out, my arm linked with my mom. It's her marriage today. After the whole Julien mess, she and his mom got to know each other well. Today is the day they'll become one. I sit next to Julien. 

Mum steps once he podium. Her and Julien's mums dress are so pretty. They are both so happy. They finally are able to replace the men that left them drained. The women exchange they vows and love dovey glances and then, finally their kiss. 

The bouquet goes into the air. Julien hoisted me up on his shoulders. The bouquet lands fruitfully in my hands.   
Finally, everything is the way that would be the happiest path for everyone in my family. 

After the wedding ends, Julien and I walk out to put car and get ready to return home, I swear I hear Alec's voice whisper in the wind 'You've made it.' It makes me hold Julien's arm tighter and smile at the future ahead.

**Author's Note:**

> Hi um this is my first fic. I love writing and you can call me Naomi. Please comment or leave kudos! I'd love any type feedback! Also this chapter is very short as I plan to make this a fanfiction of maybe 12000 words.


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